Bad Dream 164 -- Me in a Wheelchair

In my dream, I am sitting in a wheelchair -- even though I'm reasonably healthy.  I think there may have been some minor issue in one of my legs, but it certainly doesn't need me to be in a wheelchair.  But I plan on using that as an excuse if I'm asked about why I'm using one.

I am "driving" the chair around a variety of environments -- city streets and suburban-style housing areas.  At times, the area is remindful of Wilson Point.

I am delighted that the chair is so easy to operate -- going up slight inclines or over short curbs without any problem.  If anything, it moves a little too fast and I have to slow it down, but this doesn't happen often.  

I decide to take the chair for a ride over a route that I just made up.  It will be fairly long and include a variety of surfaces and environments.  Just what I need to really put the chair through its paces.  

Part of the purpose for my excursion -- in addition to just having fun -- was searching for a candy bar.  I think it was a Payday candy bar that I was looking for (my current favorite!).  But none of the stores or shops I go into have anything like that.  Little "penny candy" bits or large-portion packages but nothing in between.     

I find myself on a pier that extends over what feels like a "river" off the Chesapeake Bay -- quite like the water I grew up practically next to.  And one of the big wheels on my chair starts to break down, and part of that wheel comes off the chair and falls into the water.  I watch it float on the surface of the water, knowing that the first wavelet of any size will swamp the part and it will sink.  And I will never be able to find it again.  And the chair will be useless.  I consider jumping into the water to rescue the part -- thereby blowing my "cover" of being an invalid.  And I decide it's worth the risk and I get up from the chair and prepare to jump in.

But somehow, I don't jump in -- and find myself standing beside my now-inoperative wheelchair.  And wouldn't you know that I am now as far away from my starting point as I would ever want to get.  My plan was to turn around after my trip onto the pier and head home.  And "driving" the wheelchair would have made that a quick, easy, and pleasant trip.  But now, I not only have to walk all the way back, but I have to drag along the damaged wheelchair.  

(For what it's worth, I don't recall any other people that I can identify in this dream.)

Bad Dream 163 -- Juggling, Not Juggling

My dream starts off with me walking down a slight, grassy incline where I see several people in front of me.  It's Frank Goedeke, Travis, and a few unrecognizables; and everybody is practicing their juggling -- either solo or in pairs.  They're standing at the bottom of the incline, which makes sense to do if you're juggling.  It looks very much like a standard Turks Head practice session.  

(My notes say something about being at Drexel, but I don't recall the reference and I don't see how it might affect the dream's meaning.)

I am still not terribly interested in starting up my juggling practice routines again, but it would be nice to catch up with some of the guys.  So I continue walking towards them.  

My attention is diverted to slightly beyond the Turks Head group, to where a young woman seems to be setting up for practice herself.  She's maybe 20 or 30 feet away from the group.  She is quite tall -- maybe 6' 3" or so -- slender, with an athlete's build, long light brown hair, and a handsome face.  

She reaches into her "boat bag," which she had placed on the ground, and pulled out several balls.  I can't tell how many.  She readies herself as if she's about to start juggling and then throws several balls up in a variety of directions -- none of which will be catchable.  

I walk over to her and start telling her about the Turks Head Jugglers and how joining the group could improve her juggling.  She seems to have some mild interest, although I can see that she's also somewhat disinterested.  As in "I'm not really looking for help, thanks."  Maybe she's just being polite and maybe she's just wavering about showing interest.  I can't tell.  I continue to talk up the group, thinking that when she meets the guys, her interest in participating will increase.  

Suddenly a man wearing a suit shows up and interrupts me by grabbing her attention.  He's much shorter than she is, and he has to look up pretty hard to see her face.  He's pulling gently on her arm as if to drag her away.  He reminds her that she is due to participate in a 2-mile hike which is about to start.  And that the hike has to be over before some larger event commences.  She seems neither to be glad to see him or annoyed that he's interrupted her practice.  I get the feeling he's her manager and this behavior is not unusual for the two of them.  (He doesn't have to explain what event because he knows that she's familiar with her commitment to participate in that larger event.  It isn't clear to me what the event is that he's coming to fetch her to.)  He leads her away, and maybe she's a bit reluctant to leave the area.  

Bad Dream 164 -- Getting Hit on by Eileen

In my dream, I am sharing "space" (i.e., no particular background) with Eileen Farrell and, for a short period of time, Zinc.

Zinc shows up early in the dream, then I see him walking away, leaving Eileen and me alone together.  Now, Eileen has always had a killer smile and a good personality.  She's wonderfully smart and highly educated.  But she is not what I consider sexually attractive.  But she's smiling at me in a way I've never seen her smile at me.  

Eileen says a couple of things that could easily be interpreted as "I want you."  I'm uncomfortable with this for a variety of reasons:

 -- She and I are here (wherever that is...) alone together and I don't know how to leave.

 -- She is the wife of one of my oldest and dearest friends.

 -- I don't find her attractive and, at my advanced age, I don't think I could successfully meet her request.

I understand somehow that she has a medical condition and ask her about this -- in order to change the subject as much as anything else -- and she brushes aside the issue with "Oh, it's nothing much and certainly nothing you have to worry about."  Hmmm...

This "cat and mouse" verbiage goes on for some time, with Eileen getting more and more explicit.  At some point, she stops and takes a container of water and starts pouring it into her blouse.  I'm alarmed and puzzled and ask her about this, but she once again assures me that it's no big deal and I shouldn't be concerned.  

Finally, I find myself lying on my back with Eileen straddling me.  She presses her crotch against mine and starts grinding.  I start debating whether I should "give it a try" or just continue to decline to participate.  

Bad Dream 162 -- Big Family Gathering

In my dream, I am at a large family gathering.  Everyone seems quite happy and chatty.  I recognize my Mom clearly and others rather vaguely -- including two of my brothers.  [And it just occurs to me that those three people are dead.]  The gathering includes considerable amounts and varieties of food -- and so there are a lot of cooking and dining dishes that need to be washed.

Someone has already been cleaning a lot of the dishes and pots and pans, but seems to have decided to join the party rather than continue cleaning up.  And it has fallen to me to take over the cleaning responsibilities.  No one has volunteered to help me, but I don't mind.  I recognize the importance of family being together and I'm content to play my part in helping that to work.  After all, people may need more clean plates or glasses or silverware any time soon.

As I work away, I start to feel a bit of resentment.  I took over the dish duties when no one else would but now I feel as if I'm being taken advantage of.  I start to consider how I might get someone else to -- at least -- help with this task.  

As I'm considering this, one of my old girlfriends walks into the kitchen area.  Our relationship took place back during my time in either high school or college.  The relationship has ended, but we're still comfortable chatting with each other from time to time.  I'm surprised to see her here.

She says "I know that [someone's name] thinks you're a Man of Mystery, but I know that you..."

I don't let her get any farther with her statement.  My explosive anger is caused in part by my growing resentment about doing all these dishes but also because she's about to give me her analysis as to who she thinks I really am.  And I feel she never really did understand me despite her feeling absolutely sure that she does.  

I unleash a torrent of words at her: 

 -- denigrating her notion that she really understands me

 -- expressing anger that she just shows up in the middle of my family's gathering and wants to spout some nonsense about who I really am

 -- trying to cover my concern that I actually do put on a facade of being a Man of Mystery

 -- and a little bit of "Geez, at least you could offer to help me with the dishes."

Bad Dream 161 -- Trying to teach Deni to Juggle

 In my dream, I am trying to teach Deni (one of my very favorite people -- and one with whom I wish I could spend more time...) how to juggle clubs.  Which, in the real world, is silly because they are a fine juggler of various implements and getting better all the time.  

Anyway, we start with one club, to two clubs, etc. and that goes lightning fast to a solid three-club cascade.  Neither one of us is surprised, and Deni obviously wants to know "What's next?"

At this point, an Unidentifiable shows up, whose skill set is close to Deni's.  It's obvious to me that having the two of them learn how to pass clubs back and forth would be a Very Good Thing.  Both Deni and the Unidentifiable object to this idea -- but it's not at all clear why.  I start to formulate an explanation as to why this is a good next step, but abandon the idea, since the two of them seem determined in their objection.  

So I decide to work with Deni on doing double-spins in the middle of the club cascade pattern.  (The Unidentifiable has evaporated.)  I take three clubs in hand, two in my right and one in my left, and try to start a simple single-spin cascade.  It doesn't work.  Well, that will happen occasionally to almost any juggler.  So I pick up the clubs and try again.  No luck.  I try several more times and always get stuck at the same place, which is getting a good starting throw from my right hand.  Deni is being a good sport in waiting for the demonstration to begin, but I'm getting truly annoyed and embarrassed.  I have Deni practice a double spin with a single club while they are waiting for me to get my act in gear.  And still no luck on my part.

In frustration, I take a single club and throw it away as far as I can.  The landscape has changed to something like the Southwest US desert: sand almost to the horizon and rocky hills at the edge of my vision.  Scrub bushes and grasses here and there.  Deni is no longer part of the dream.

I watch the club sail away.  It's going a great deal farther than I could possibly throw it -- sailing towards the hills.  It lands roughly a quarter mile away -- and I know it's going to be simple luck to ever find that club again.  

I wake up.   

Bad Dream 160 -- Fixing a Door with Jackie Gleason

 In my dream, I am in the Social Room of our Quaker Meetinghouse.  There is some repair work being done on the door leading out to the porch -- a problem with the lock.  

The person leading the work is Jackie Gleason.  He's being pleasantly garrulous as he's working.  The door's locking mechanism has been removed, uncovering the hole that allows key access from the outside.  It's a rather large hole, given its purpose -- and very roughly cut out.  Not a great surprise for a door that's probably been "repaired" a dozen times or more over the last 200 years.  

Jackie brings a sabre saw over to the door and tells me to watch carefully and learn something about saws and door locks, etc.  I'm a little surprised that he would want to make this seemingly large hole even larger, but decide not to bring up the subject.  He cuts a line straight up from the hole -- maybe 2 inches long.  Then cuts another one parallel to the first one roughly the same length and moving in the same direction.  

Quickly, there is now a piece of wood almost the size of an open hand removed from the door.  I'm amazed at the skill Jackie has shown and curious as to why he had to do this.  I take the piece of wood over to Deb, who is standing nearby, and show her how neatly it's been cut.  She seems to understand that it's done okay but no recognition from her as to why it's been removed from the door.  

I look at the enlarged hole in the door and realize that it's big enough that the entire lock mechanism would simply fall through the hole.  There's wasn't nearly enough wood to hold the lock in place.   

Bad Dream 159 -- Getting Back with Mary?

 In my dream, I am talking with a friend.  Guy friend.  It's not given where we are.  

He's trying to get better acquainted with a girl I kind of know, but not that well.  But she is a good friend of Mary Maguire -- and he's suggesting we set up a double date: he and the young lady he wishes to know better and I get back in touch with Mary.  I try to explain to him that our relationship was usually stormy.  That while we had, I think, a strong mutual respect, our lives were aimed at considerably different trajectories.  And that this was occasionally painful to me and possibly to her as well.  And so I didn't think an overture to start seeing each other again would not be looked at positively.  So I'm sorry, but I can't help.  Best of luck.  

Well, it turns out that a number of minor characters in the dream also think it would be a good idea for me to make an overture to Mary.  Mainly because it would help my friend and his intended date, but also a good idea overall.  I overhear bits of conversation to that effect: "Do you think Randy's going to do this?  Is he going to cooperate with [friend's name]?  He could really use that help from Randy..."  That kind of stuff.  

After some time of this -- and trying to explain to my friend that he's asking too much of me, but getting counter arguments all the way -- my dream switches to me running down a long hallway.  It is remindful of the major hallway at Leeds & Northrup's main building.  I am enjoying the speed and feeling the breeze on my face immensely.  I come to an intersection and nearly collide with someone walking on the crossing hallway, but deftly maneuver around her at high speed.  This feels great.  

Then I find myself standing still -- I think still in the same hallway -- and I notice Brian Fahey doing some repair/renovation work on a room beside the hallway.  He looks up and smiles a bit and with his demeanor as much as his words, he asks me if I'm going to get in touch with Mary.  This would seem to be important to him, although I can't imagine why.  And once again, I overhear conversations about whether I'm going to get in touch with Mary or not.  This is clearly a big deal for most everyone in the building!

I reiterate aloud  that I have no idea whether Mary would have the slightest interest in getting together again.  And that doing so could simply invite more heartache.  There's nothing to suggest the her trajectory and mine were getting anywhere close.  Not then, not now.

It then occurs to me that it's possible that Mary has cooked up this whole plot.  That she wants to see me again, but doesn't want to come right out and ask.  From what I remember of her, she is perfectly capable of being this clever.  And devious.  I'm flattered to think this is a possibility, but somewhat doubtful that it explains what's going on.  And I start to develop a hope that maybe it is true... and if it is and I let the chance go by without grabbing it...  

When I wake up, what comes to mind fairly quickly is the Grateful Dead's song "Shakedown Street."  I always enjoyed the tune, but the only words I remember are "...used to be the heart of town."