Bad Dream 82 -- Morning of 5/26/19

In my dream, I am "campaigning" quite hard to win the affection of a woman.  I have a cadre of support people in this campaign.  They're all rooting for me to be successful.

The woman is reminiscent of several I have known through the years and have been infatuated (or in love, if you prefer) with.  The two principal names are Mary Maguire and Allison Prettyman.  I've certainly had a crush on a number of other female persons, but these are more prominent in my mind...  

I am in the proximity of this lady, who has her own retinue.  She is located on higher ground than me and my people -- and they are residing in tents.  The image that comes to mind about our physical locality is the wall around the old courthouse on the Market Street side -- but maybe five feet tall or a little less.  I see her wearing a diaphanous garment that might be a robe, as it seems to flow open as she walks.  You can see what is possibly a brassiere or swimsuit top or similar garment -- also white -- underneath the robe.  

And everyone in the dream -- my people, her people, everyone -- knows how ardent I am about wooing her.  

There's something in the dream about my playing a musical instrument, which is either a piano or a violin.  Don't recall.  But playing the instrument was part of my campaign plan.  

I leave my "real" self in the dream for a few moments and am present ("fly on the wall" sort of thing...) in her tent, talking to her advisers.  I don't think they're in favor of or opposed to my plea -- they just want to know what to do.  

Her words to the retinue about me are -- I was going to say "harsh," but I think the right word is "blunt."  She never wants to see me again.  Not a hard feeling, necessarily, she just has nothing to say to me and there's nothing she wants to hear from me.  

So she's firm on this subject -- and I know her well enough to know that pretty much settles the thought of winning her.  But even so, I'm not going to give up.  It's painful to be in this position, but I don't see any way out.  

Ref: the words to the song "Greensleeves"  

Analysis  
I find myself in need of intimacy.  I think Deb is terrific and I feel fortunate to be married to her.  But so much of the time, I feel as if we are the best of friends.  Which is good.  But not enough.  

We went to a marriage counselor several years ago, and I thought we were treading the ground we needed to -- to enhance our marriage in a way I wanted and needed.  But so much of the burden of what needed to change lay with Deb.  It's not surprising that I felt this way, but the therapist seemed to think the same by the questions she was asking.  And I'm not surprised that all that talk and potential openings went nowhere.  That I might be asking Deb to be something/someone she isn't.  No Good Guys.  No Bad Guys.  

The woman in the diaphanous gown.  The fabric is practically see-through.  You can see the real her underneath her clothes.  She speaks honestly and directly.  

Bad Dream 81 Morning of 5/9/19 (out of sequence)

In my dream I am standing on or near a paved path or small road.  I am looking down at the pavement and notice a small plant growing between a couple of the paving elements.  It's maybe 4 inches tall and stringy.

I kneel down and pluck the plant cleanly out of the ground -- effectively thereby killing it.  After all, it's just a weed.  As I'm finishing pulling it out of the ground, I am surprised to see how deeply the roots had grown.  I feel sorry for having done this. 

Analysis  

This was early in Residency 4 -- and it feels as if it applies to my spiritual journey and how it relates to the School of the Spirit:

I am not keeping up with the reading assignments.  Not anywhere near.  And as a result, I think that the discussions and presentations don't mean as much as they should to me.  Instead, I'm just barreling along on my "normal" life journey.  And if I continue to do that, I will be 

Bad Dream 80 -- Morning of 5/20/19

My dream takes the form of a documentary:

In it, I witness the establishment of a factory on an otherwise pretty vacant piece of land.  There is a voice over explaining what is happening.

As the factory is finished and begins production (I have no idea what the "product" is...), workers find it convenient to build houses near the factory.  The number of structures grows, as not only are more houses built, but shops are built and open to service the factory workers living close to the plant.

The voice over makes it clear that this process will continue until an entire fully functional town is built.  The voice has an edge of pride in it: "Isn't this wonderful progress?"  

I am left feeling ambivalent.  Yes, it's good that people can live close to where they work and that there is sufficient capital to make everyone comfortable.  But is this really progress on a grander scale or simply an interruption of the Natural Way of Things by humans who don't really belong there?

Bad Dream 78 -- Morning of 5/20/19

In my dream, I am at some kind of summer camp.  I'm guessing I'm in my late teens or early 20's since that's the age of the other "campers," but I'm not sure of that.  We are in one of the camp buildings -- one that has the kitchen facilities in it.  

Some kind of Camp Councilor (whom I never see, but we all hear his voice) is announcing that I am going to prepare an egg dish for breakfast.  The announcement is something like, "And so, the person delegated to cook the eggs this morning is... Randy Lyons!"  And everyone cheers -- somewhat derisively, but completely in good humor.  As if the chances of Randy being successful in this endeavor are slim.  

I am now standing in front of a bowl with eggs that have been cracked open and poured into the bowl.  I see the egg yolks surrounded by the egg whites.  I take a fork and begin to stir the contents of the bowl and watch the egg yolks break and blend with the whites.

I am now at the stove -- one of those big black stoves -- with a large, rectangular pan in front of me.  I watch as the stirred up eggs are gently slid into the pan and the contents are gently stirred.  I don't see my hands doing this; it's as if a third person is magically doing this.  

Much to my surprise, the egg concoction turns out to be quite edible and my fellow campers cheer the success.  Conversation is lively and pleasant.

But nobody thanks me.  

Bad Dream 79 -- Morning of 5/20/19

In my dream, I am in some kind of academic setting -- and looking rather desperately for two books.  I know I've had them and I've looked most everywhere I can to find them, but...

In my search, I go to my car and find that someone -- quite possibly me -- has placed a plastic garbage bag over the length of the car seat.  (I think it's the front seat and, unlike modern cars, the seat is sofa style rather than individual driver-and-passenger seats.)  It's not clear to me whether the plastic is to protect the seat from spillage or other intrusion or whether the seat fabric is torn and the seat is to protect the damage from getting worse.

I don't find the book and start to return to what I guess is the school building.  I am now faced with the dilemma of either getting lunch or continuing to look for the books.  The books are vitally important, but I'm getting hungry

Analysis   
I feel that the dream represents my quandry about trying to keep up with the reading for the Spiritual Nurturer program or go about my daily activities.  In which I'm falling farther and farther behind.  

I can't seem to find the time to do both, and the situation continues to deteriorate.  

Rats.   

Bad Dream 77 -- Morning of 5/16/19

In my dream, I am at the shore of the ocean or a large lake.  I am helping to retrieve the body of a young woman who -- I guess -- had drowned.  She is wearing a bathing suit.  I'm the person who is actually carrying her body up onto dry land.  

As I lay her down on the sand, gently and carefully, her hands begin to move.  Someone shouts, "She's alive!"

Bad Dream 76 -- Morning of 5/16/19

In my dream, I am involved with a group something like The School of the Spirit.  Some of the other students and I are chatting with one of the teachers about an upcoming assignment.  

The assignment involves responding/reacting to a series of "things."  I don't remember what those things are, except that they are written documents.  

The teacher recommends that we start with number ___ (don't recall) "because it's less closed(?) than the other six.  (Although the number given may have been seven.)  

Not much to go on...

Bad Dream 75 -- Morning of 5/13/19

Just a short section of a much larger dream, but it's shown up several times:

I am looking at a "blackboard" (you know, the metal ones that are actually green) and there is considerable writing on it.  Words.

Between two sets of words -- separated horizontally -- there is a streak of red.  It might be paint or something like paint.  The streak/stripe runs vertically and is roughly 10 or 12 inches long.  The ends are not as fully covered as the middle, as if a paintbrush started up there, but didn't fully cover the blackboard surface; then made firm contact with the board; then lifted up leaving a diminishing trail of paint looking just like the top of the stripe.

I have some kind of internal response to seeing the stripe.  Satisfaction?  Comfort?  Just being okay with the stripe?

Bad Dream 74 -- Morning of 5/12/19

(This dream took place the first night of Residency 4 of my School of the Spirit experience.)

In my dream, I am standing on a paved surface.  It is a road/sidewalk/pathway from somewhere to somewhere else.  The paving is divided into fairly large rectangles -- and may be concrete or stone.  The blocks are evenly laid and a light gray and/or tan.  

I notice that there is a small plant growing in the division between two of the blocks.  It is quite thin and maybe 3 or 4 inches tall.  It has a leaf or maybe two, but they are also quite small and fragile looking.

I reach down and pull the plant out from between the blocks.  I consider this -- as I do this -- to be an act of simply tidying up.  We can't allow a plant to grow in the middle of the road/sidewalk/pathway now, can we?

I pull the plant completely free of the ground and am surprised to see how deep the root(s) have grown.  Then it makes sense to me that a plant must firmly anchor itself into the ground and also establish an adequate pathway for the moisture and nourishment of the soil to enter the plant's "body."  

I am quickly regretful for not giving this action on my part some thought before I pulled the plant out of the ground.  And am torn intellectually and otherwise: on one hand, the plant posed a threat to the integrity of the road/sidewalk/pathway if it were allowed to keep growing.  On the other hand, it seems by the evidence that the plant was going to be robust and grow into who-knows-what.  

I realize that it would be impossible to re-plant the seedling in the space where I pulled it out of.  And it seemed to me to be unlikely that the plant would continue growing if I took the time and trouble to re-plant it somewhere else.