Just a note so that I don't lose this experience.

Evening of Friday 7/26/19.  Deb is away at Yearly Meeting.  Has been since Wednesday and won't be home until Sunday.

I haven't a clue as to why this happened at all or why it happened then -- but it may have something to do with Deb's absence.

As I'm finishing up dinner (I think), it suddenly occurs to me that I miss my Mother.  Not just that I recognize the fact that she's dead.  She's gone.  She's not coming back...

But that I'll never hear her voice again.  I'll never have another chance to tell her some stupid joke that she thinks is a riot.  I'll never have another chance to reminisce about when we were young.  When all of us were young.  Never have another dish of her famous spaghetti sauce (you can skip the noodles, just pour this over a piece of toast or something...)  Never have another chance to hear her interact with Dad -- to pronounce his one-syllable name as a four-syllable word: "Deee-aaaaa-nnnn-eeee!" always with a note of exasperation.  

Never.  

And it hurt.