Bad Dream 133 -- Morning of 12/27/20

In my dream, I am taking a test/exam on a Shakespeare play.  My dream didn't inform me as to which play.  I am in a small classroom at a classical student desk writing out my essay answer(s) to the test.  Or exam.  There are maybe 5 or 8 other students taking the exam.  Or test.

I am cruising through this.  I know the play well.  I enjoy it and feel I understand what the author wanted us to get out of it.  And my insights into the play are being sharpened through the process of writing out my ideas.  I am pleased and excited.  I think I'm writing on lined yellow copy paper (not the dreaded Little Blue Test Book) using green ink.

There's still time left before our essays are collected, and I still have some additional writing to do.  But I feel the need to visit the bathroom for the usual reason.  

When I return, the room is essentially empty.  The other test takers are gone, the instructor or test monitor (that's not clear which it is in the dream) is also gone.  All the desks are empty except for mine, which is where my mostly-finished paper still resides.  

It occurs to me that I can be accused of cheating.  That I might have smuggled a copy of the play into the test room and taken it with me to the bathroom to check on a few things before finishing and submitting my test paper.  Or possibly that I had stashed a copy of the play in the bathroom somewhere for the same purpose.  

I am feeling anxious and angry at myself for not having seen this possibility beforehand.  And I was doing so well!  

I take my test papers down to an office setting where I think the teacher/monitor might be so I can explain the situation and hope my test will be accepted just on my say-so and the good will of the test supervisor.  In the process, I realize that I might have gotten an "okay" to visit the bathroom from the test supervisor -- and maybe had an escort to assure I wasn't cheating.

There are two young women sitting at desks in the office.  They're rather pretty, but look quite different -- one from the other.  They look as if they are both office workers rather than faculty members.  I explain my situation and ask if I can leave my test with them so they can hand it over to the professor with my explanation.  They both seem perfectly happy to do this.  They nod almost in unison.

I wake up.

Bad Dream 132 -- Morning of 12/13/20 or thereabouts

I've been dreaming a lot lately -- but haven't been able to capture most of them.  But I'm sure the dreams are rich with meaning, and I'm sorry I can't recall them.  I think they would have been helpful...  But here's an exception: It happened maybe a week ago, but I still remember most of it, and think that writing it out will help me to remember even more.

In my dream, I am standing near the edge of a lake.  The lake is large enough for folks to launch and ride around in smallish boats, but it's considerably smaller than, say, Marsh Creek.  There's lots of greenery around the lake.  Trees on the far shore, grass at my feet.  

The weather is lovely.  Warm enough but not hot.  A gentle breeze but not windy.  You get the idea.  I see a small sailboat just heading out into the wider lake.  It has a cheerful blue hull with a lot of freeboard.  It's maybe 12 or 15 feet long, and there are a awful lot of people aboard.  I see their faces side-by-side stacked as if they were a pile of photos.  There may be 8 or so people which, of course, for a boat that small, is impossible.  

The boat moves slowly from my left to my right, gradually getting farther from shore.  The boat and all those people are still only maybe 20 or 30 feet from shore when the boat comes to a halt.  It's clear to me that the boat has run aground.  Hit a submerged rock or possibly a sandbar. It stopped slowly and without any sudden lurch.  

The skipper soon realizes what's wrong, but isn't sure what to do about it.  He's not anxious to go overboard to push the boat off the obstruction, so he starts bouncing up and down, holding the sides of the boat -- hoping he can "jiggle" the boat free.  

The scene changes slightly.  The boat is now roughly halfway across the lake, having somehow gotten dislodged off the rock.  The sail shows that the boat has wind enough to move it, but I sense that there's something else wrong with what's happening, and that it would make sense for me to try and get to the boat to help.  

I recall that I have a sailboard that I could use as a paddleboard to get to the boat and offer assistance, and I'm very pleased that I can get involved in a meaningful way to help.  I then recall that I've given away all my boats, so that I can't help the folks in the small blue boat.  

I wake up quickly and sadly.  

Bad Dream 131 -- Morning of 12/13/20

In my dream, I'm walking through a residential neighborhood.  The dream does not inform me as to what is on the other side of the street, but the sidewalk on which I'm walking borders a series of row homes -- brick fronts, maybe four homes connected as a "pod" and a considerable number of such pods.  Pods are maybe 30 feet apart, one from the next with grass and a few plants in between.  

It's getting towards evening and I am nowhere near my home -- or any place where I might stay.  I'm getting really hungry, and this is more important to me than finding a place to stay the night.  There's no sign of a hotel or other commercial enterprise, just this seemingly endless line of brick row homes. 

I look at all the front doors staring back at me and know that there are some people who live in these homes who would be comfortable taking me in and feeding me.  But which ones?  I'm mildly concerned about how hostile some folks might be if I pick the wrong door to knock on...

Finally, my hunger overrides any concern I may have for a negative response to my request.  I pick a door on the left-hand edge of one of these pods.  No particular reason for my initial decision.  Just pick one.

As I walk up the sidewalk towards this door, I see that the yard and steps could use some assistance.  Not that things look seriously broken down, just that things are being treated casually to their detriment.  Maybe I chose the wrong door.  Or maybe the person/people inside will understand someone being down on his luck better than folks who are doing quite well.

I think I knock once or twice on the door, but realize quickly that wasn't necessary.  I see through the window someone walking down a set of stairs in such a manner that I know he's coming to the door.  I chastise myself for choosing this door, but it's too late now.  

The door is opened by a youngish man -- slender, maybe mid-to-late 20's -- dressed casually but neatly -- flowered shirt with 1960's era tight fitting pants, possibly with bell bottoms -- with the most remarkable head of hair.  He's Anglo, but is wearing his coal black tightly curly hair in what needs to be called and "Afro."  It's only maybe an inch or an inch-and-a-half above his scalp, but it's shaped remarkably like a football helmet.  It even comes down the sides of his head -- still tightly curled -- just as a football player's helmet might fit.   

He seems almost glad to see me and understands quite quickly that I really need a good meal.  And is more than ready to provide one.  He talks quite openly and friendly like, to the point where I think he's speaking from his own need to chatter.  I'm a bit concerned about this, and if I weren't so hungry, I would probably just turn around and keep walking.  

Somehow, I know he's going to invite me to stay the evening -- and it is starting to get dark and the warmth of the day is fading with the light and I have no other resources for shelter -- but I sense that staying here would not be a good idea.  I try to figure out if there's some polite way to accept his invitation to dine but decline the invitation to stay.  (An invitation that he hasn't made yet.)  Would he proposition me?  Would he force me to do something I really didn't want to do?  I remind myself that no one knows where I am...

Why is he being so open and friendly with a complete stranger like me?  

Do I pass on the meal offering in order to avoid dealing with an unwelcome invitation?  

I wake up.  

Bad Dream 130 -- Morning of 12/6/20

Finally connected having a coherent dream with having the wherewithal to write it down before it evaporated.  

In my dream, I find myself near a major airport.  I think it's supposed to be Boston, but I'm not sure.  I've come from the airport and have a Specific Job to do -- but the dream doesn't share what that Job is.  I know I have to keep track of where I am because I need to get back to the airport sometime in the not-too-distant future.  (It's interesting to note that the dream does not include anything about airplanes: getting on, getting off, getting your luggage, nothing.

I then find myself inside a large, seemingly single-story building.  Fairly typical business and commercial structure and furnishings.  There are offices left and right off the central corridor -- names on the doors' glass windows, etc.  Some doors open, some shut.  Most if not all of the office spaces are limited in size, so they are probably Field Offices of larger corporations somewhere else.  

I realize that, to accomplish the task I'm here for, I need a pad of paper.  Just a simple A-size pad of lined paper.  And I don't have one.  

I walk up and down the halls of this large building, passing lots of small business offices and the occasional retail store.  But none of the stores are likely to have the pad I need.  There are jewelry shops and (ladies?) clothing stores, but nothing like a business supply store or a simple drugstore that might carry pads of paper.  

I think it odd that, in a building this large with so many businesses obviously busy with office-type work that there wouldn't be a stationery store of somesuch.  But there you are.  It occurs to me that I could probably stop into one of these small business offices and just try to secure a pad of paper from them, but something prohibits me from doing so.  That happens in a dream world, you know...

Occasionally, I find myself outside on a street (a city street, but only single-level buildings), which is houses and small offices and such lining the street.  And every now and then, I see a shop maybe a block away, but once again, it's not a business likely to have a pad of paper.  The good news is that I'm not being channeled through the environment the way I was inside the building.  The bad news is that I may be losing track of where the airport is in regards to my current position.  That would be bad.

As I continue looking for a pad of paper, I suddenly realize I have put Something Important down somewhere -- and didn't pick it up again.  And I have been searching for a pad of paper in so many places, that it's extremely unlikely I'll find it again.  In fact, I'm not totally sure I know what it was, so I couldn't even ask anybody "Have you seen an X around here recently?"  

At that point in the dream, I seem to think I told myself: "Geez, you can't find a pad of paper, you've lost that Something, you don't know what it was, it's possible you won't be able to get back to the airport in time...  You might as well wake up."

Which is what I did.

Bad Dream 129 -- Morning of 12/5/20

I've been having rather complete and complex dreams recently, but haven't reminded myself to REMEMBER THE DREAM the night before.  And I'm sorry about that because my recollection is that the dreams were rife with meaning -- and would have been fun and informative to write up in this collection.  

Last night and this morning were no exception.  The only thing I remember -- and it was vivid enough to wake me up - was this:

At the end of my dream, I am standing outside somewhere.  It feels like someone's great big back yard, with carefully mown grass and a few large shade trees.  It's pleasantly warm with a gentle breeze.  A woman approaches me.  We know each other, but it's not clear in the dream how deep or extensive that relationship is.  But it may be extensive.  

She's talking to me about her plans for the upcoming day and near future.  I stop her gently and ask her to explain to me what these plans mean.  And she gives me an almost "Well, duh" look and says something along the lines of "Yes this means I'm having affairs.  I'm cheating on you."  I think she may have been a bit uncomfortable in telling me these things, but she had no intention of changing her plans.  

And that's when I woke up.  I totally did not expect this woman to say what she did say.  I thought our relationship was strong enough and deep enough that such behavior was unthinkable.  But the attitude of this woman was almost casual in making this announcement.  There was nothing in the dream that lent me to think we were married, but what other arrangement would make sense?   

Now I get this notion that this woman could be interpreted as my Anima.  I buy into this big time.  And from that basis, there are a variety of different interpretations as to what her announcement meant.  Was this cheating something she was just starting to do or had she been cheating on me (whatever that might mean) for some time and was planning on continuing that behavior?  And what would it mean for my Anima to cheat on me?  Would she be looking to attach herself to a different facet of my personality?  Is she just giving up on supporting our existing relationship?  Does she think that the "me" she's been interacting with for all this time is, in fact, simply not the real me -- and she's going to try and find a more real me elsewhere?

As Deb and I move closer to relocating and downsizing, I'm seeing my getting rid of so much and many of the things I've identified with as being a paring down of my self identity to a more valid and clarified person.  (That being getting rid of my boats, my juggling supplies, etc.)  And in that context, maybe my Anima's announcement simply means she's testing out who these other, possibly more valid, versions of me are...  

(I need to start remembering to REMEMBER YOUR DREAM again...)