Evening of Friday 7/26/19. Deb is away at Yearly Meeting. Has been since Wednesday and won't be home until Sunday.
I haven't a clue as to why this happened at all or why it happened then -- but it may have something to do with Deb's absence.
As I'm finishing up dinner (I think), it suddenly occurs to me that I miss my Mother. Not just that I recognize the fact that she's dead. She's gone. She's not coming back...
But that I'll never hear her voice again. I'll never have another chance to tell her some stupid joke that she thinks is a riot. I'll never have another chance to reminisce about when we were young. When all of us were young. Never have another dish of her famous spaghetti sauce (you can skip the noodles, just pour this over a piece of toast or something...) Never have another chance to hear her interact with Dad -- to pronounce his one-syllable name as a four-syllable word: "Deee-aaaaa-nnnn-eeee!" always with a note of exasperation.
Never.
And it hurt.
Monday, July 29, 2019
Bad Dream 91 -- Morning of 7/29/19
In my dream, I am staying in a hotel/motel room. I think I have not been there long, because I'm still making discoveries as I walk about the room. One wall is completely (or almost) glass windows -- floor to ceiling. I'm on the ground floor and these windows are looking out at a street scene with considerable foot traffic as well as vehicular traffic.
The window coverings are very light and frilly curtain material that comes nowhere close to covering the windows. So that, even as I can look out at the people on the street, they can look in at me. Out of curiosity as much as anything else, I tug at one of the curtains and confirm that it barely moves and does nothing to provide privacy.
My major concern is that I can't undress to change clothes or get ready for bed. Safety is also a concern but I think not as much.
I see that there are pull shades available on some, maybe most, maybe all the windows and I pull one of them down to confirm they work. I don't know whether pulling all the existing shades would allow me to change clothes safely, but decide not to pursue the issue and let the shade roll back up. (This bit may be out of place chronologically with the rest of the dream...)
I go to the door to make sure it's closed and discover that the handle/latch mechanism doesn't work, so that, not only can you not lock the door, you can't even make sure the door is closed. I then notice that one of those small slide locks -- a small brass rod that slips into an small brass arch on the frame of the door. I move the rod to the "Locked" position to make sure that the door won't simply drift open -- or someone pushes on the door and it opens. But I know that anyone leaning heavily against the door would dislodge the slide lock completely.
Two workmen "appear" in the next image of the room. I think they're there to fix the door handle/latch mechanism, but they don't seem to be in any hurry to do that. I explain the situation to them and they seem a bit concerned but not surprised.
I turn to the rest of the room and discover that there are 7 TV sets -- all of them "on" -- piled up near one corner of the room. Placed pretty much with their backs against the wall. All of them are the old-style "picture tube" variety rather than modern flat screens and they're all showing black & white images. Some are considerably larger than others. There's very little sound coming from any of them.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the story being told on one of the sets. It's video of an old football game. In the middle of the action, one of the players hands or tosses the ball to the coach (Vince Lombardi?) who throws a pretty good spiral back onto the field where it's caught by one of his players for a complete pass -- and the play is judged to be legal. The announcer is excited: this seems to be the first time in football history anyone has done this -- and it turn out to be legal.
Somewhere around here in the dream, I see an altercation on the street -- I think between two women -- and it looks like it's getting pretty serious. I understand that if gun play starts, that I would be in jeopardy, given the large glass windows and the possibility of a stray bullet... I'm concerned, but don't know what to do about it. Other people out there get involved, separate the two women, and things quiet down.
I also have a note here about "traffic accident," but I don't remember anything about that.
I understand that I'm out-of-town and I think this is a working trip. I think I flew out to get here, but with all the confusion going on, I'm considering driving back home when the job is done. There are pluses and minuses on each side of this decision to fly or drive. I don't recall what they were.
One of the workers -- who still are not doing anything about the door, but seem to be sitting and relaxing (but not watching TV) -- is eating something off a plate. Something with tomato sauce and melted cheese
Somewhere late in the going, Deb shows up and begins to straighten things up. I don't know if the workmen are still there, but I think they are.
The window coverings are very light and frilly curtain material that comes nowhere close to covering the windows. So that, even as I can look out at the people on the street, they can look in at me. Out of curiosity as much as anything else, I tug at one of the curtains and confirm that it barely moves and does nothing to provide privacy.
My major concern is that I can't undress to change clothes or get ready for bed. Safety is also a concern but I think not as much.
I see that there are pull shades available on some, maybe most, maybe all the windows and I pull one of them down to confirm they work. I don't know whether pulling all the existing shades would allow me to change clothes safely, but decide not to pursue the issue and let the shade roll back up. (This bit may be out of place chronologically with the rest of the dream...)
I go to the door to make sure it's closed and discover that the handle/latch mechanism doesn't work, so that, not only can you not lock the door, you can't even make sure the door is closed. I then notice that one of those small slide locks -- a small brass rod that slips into an small brass arch on the frame of the door. I move the rod to the "Locked" position to make sure that the door won't simply drift open -- or someone pushes on the door and it opens. But I know that anyone leaning heavily against the door would dislodge the slide lock completely.
Two workmen "appear" in the next image of the room. I think they're there to fix the door handle/latch mechanism, but they don't seem to be in any hurry to do that. I explain the situation to them and they seem a bit concerned but not surprised.
I turn to the rest of the room and discover that there are 7 TV sets -- all of them "on" -- piled up near one corner of the room. Placed pretty much with their backs against the wall. All of them are the old-style "picture tube" variety rather than modern flat screens and they're all showing black & white images. Some are considerably larger than others. There's very little sound coming from any of them.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the story being told on one of the sets. It's video of an old football game. In the middle of the action, one of the players hands or tosses the ball to the coach (Vince Lombardi?) who throws a pretty good spiral back onto the field where it's caught by one of his players for a complete pass -- and the play is judged to be legal. The announcer is excited: this seems to be the first time in football history anyone has done this -- and it turn out to be legal.
Somewhere around here in the dream, I see an altercation on the street -- I think between two women -- and it looks like it's getting pretty serious. I understand that if gun play starts, that I would be in jeopardy, given the large glass windows and the possibility of a stray bullet... I'm concerned, but don't know what to do about it. Other people out there get involved, separate the two women, and things quiet down.
I also have a note here about "traffic accident," but I don't remember anything about that.
I understand that I'm out-of-town and I think this is a working trip. I think I flew out to get here, but with all the confusion going on, I'm considering driving back home when the job is done. There are pluses and minuses on each side of this decision to fly or drive. I don't recall what they were.
One of the workers -- who still are not doing anything about the door, but seem to be sitting and relaxing (but not watching TV) -- is eating something off a plate. Something with tomato sauce and melted cheese
Somewhere late in the going, Deb shows up and begins to straighten things up. I don't know if the workmen are still there, but I think they are.
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Bad Dream 90 -- Another scrap date unknown
Following on to Bad Dream 89, I've just discovered another note I wrote to myself after waking up from a dream:
"Major repair bill for the car Signing a problem"
I do recall fuzzy bits, like the dream did not specify what it was that needed repair (suspension? engine? body damage?). And I also recall the frustration I felt in trying to write my name (?) on a form for this work. The paper was large and folded and floppy. The ink line from the pen was far too broad. I couldn't find a solid, flat surface to write on. And when I actually put pen to paper, I wrote down the wrong thing and started hoping that I could get a fresh document to work with -- but didn't expect to get one...
Monday, July 8, 2019
Bad Dream 89 -- Morning of 7/8/19
Actually more of a report on how things are going:
I'm having difficulties "trapping" my dreams for the last several weeks. I think I'm waking up with just too much else on my mind. I'm behind on a whole raft of things that are important to me:
-- the Meeting's Porch Project
-- getting forms filled out for our application to Crosslands
-- my weight
-- selling off a couple of boats
-- and so forth.
I occasionally wake up in mid-night and make a note or two -- which is usually enough to trigger the rest of the dream back to mind. But the notes simply have nothing to attach to. Here are some examples of those notes:
-- "No he's a Cop"
-- Cleaning lady "I have the feeling that's not good for you"
-- Pixie eats wine corks
I would love love love to reattach them to what I dreamed, but alas...
I'm having difficulties "trapping" my dreams for the last several weeks. I think I'm waking up with just too much else on my mind. I'm behind on a whole raft of things that are important to me:
-- the Meeting's Porch Project
-- getting forms filled out for our application to Crosslands
-- my weight
-- selling off a couple of boats
-- and so forth.
I occasionally wake up in mid-night and make a note or two -- which is usually enough to trigger the rest of the dream back to mind. But the notes simply have nothing to attach to. Here are some examples of those notes:
-- "No he's a Cop"
-- Cleaning lady "I have the feeling that's not good for you"
-- Pixie eats wine corks
I would love love love to reattach them to what I dreamed, but alas...
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