Why is my Journey Flooded with Tears?

Shortly after our class (SN11) was divided into three K-Groups (I'm in the Blue Group), each K-Group met separately.  And one of our very first assignments was to tell the group -- in roughly 35 minutes -- about our Spiritual Journey.  From the earliest thing we can remember that was salient to the topic to whatever it was that brought us to SN11.  In that session, the first person (of five in the group) told of her journey.  Then our time expired and the second two persons were scheduled to begin the next day's K-Group session.  

I was the second of those two people on that following day.  I had made a few notes of topics I wanted to mention and was pleased that the first person that day had also made notes.  Made me feel that it was alright to have done this  Didn't have to be spontaneous.  Here are the topics I wanted to include in my talk -- pretty much in chronological order:

  -- Tell Me About God
  -- Singing in the choir -- and Church as obligation and not worship
  -- "What about the Muslims and the Navajos?"
  -- The Man in the Brown Suit and Nail Clipping 
  -- "Faith of our Fathers."  Really?  I mean Really?  
  -- College was nothing
  -- Confirmation as a completely meaningless exercise
  -- The Tao Teh Ching tape in the car
  -- Conscientious Objection and the American Friends Service Committee
  -- N. Church Street on a Sunday morning
  -- Healing in Meadville: Knowing about my closed heart
  -- Just who is Shiva, anyway?
  -- The exclusivity of Christianity: now I have a word for "What about..."

If you, dear reader, aren't Randy, let me assure you that I'd be happy to explain any of the above topics.  In fact, I may return to this posting and fill in some explanation at a later date.

The previous two presenters had gone through their Journey descriptions completely dry-eyed, and seemingly without much emotion of any type.  And I fully expected to do the same.  But by the time I got to (roughly) the third topic, my voice was catching with emotion.  And by the time I got to the fifth or thereabouts, I was weeping openly and unashamedly.  And I was racked with emotion for the rest of the presentation. 

I couldn't figure out exactly what was happening and, at the time, I really didn't care.  All I knew was that there was a huge amount of emotional energy bottled up in me concerning these events -- and it felt like a relief to allow these emotions to manifest themselves.  

My K-Group classmates were quiet afterwards, and several of them -- and the group leader -- checked in with me afterwards to make sure I was okay.  And I was able truthfully to tell them that I was more than okay.  That the experience gave me an important opening into "Who I really was/am."  And that I planned to stay with these insights and work with them.

To date, the two words that have come to me in explanation of what happened are "Disillusionment" and "Disappointment."  Which, of course, overlap considerably.  

So I'm grateful for the time and opportunity to write this experience out this way.  And hope that I can find some key elements that will help me to Heal in the Meadville sense of the word.  

Thanks for reading.