First of all, an Introduction: I've known Allison for decades. And when I first met her, I was sure she was the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered. Our "relationship" started when she was my massage therapist -- and she was by far the best therapist I've ever had. So I was her client in that capacity for 5 or so years. She's never said this, but I think she stopped massage work due to the wear and tear on her hands and forearms. But by that time, she had developed a clientele as a life coach/counselor -- and she's always been a very good listener.
I'm pretty sure Allison recognized that I had a serious crush on her -- and fortunately for me (and possibly her as well) she drew distinct lines between having clients and having friends. I must admit that -- at the time -- I found this distinction irritating and frustrating.
I kept seeing her in this new capacity as my life coach, more just to be close to her rather than the actual help she provided in helping me meet my daily issues. After a year or two in this arrangement, I decided it wasn't helping me and that my ulterior motive was becoming clear to both of us. I stopped going and didn't try to make further contact.
Many years later, she sent me an e-mail asking for some help with photographing her artwork. (She does some absolutely stunning mandalas.) I agreed to help, and we worked together for several months with several different mandalas.
A year or two later, we agreed to get together for coffee and conversation. This worked well, and I soon realized that she had placed me in this other list -- the friends list. By this time, I was ready simply to have her as a friend with occasional get-togethers and not push the relationship to anything deeper or more involved. And that's how things stand today.
________________________________________
In my dream, I am in a room without any distinguishing features. And Allison is there as well. There are no other people anywhere in this dream.
Allison is just back from a long trip -- and I don't recall that the destination of the trip was disclosed in the dream.
And for the first time since I've known her, her attitude towards me is cold and distant. Even when I was just a client, she always had a kindness in her voice and demeanor suggesting that she was happpy that I was in the room with her. But not now. It may have been that she needed to have this meeting with me, even if she didn't want to.
I try to start a conversation with her, asking about how she was and where she had been, but her reaction and response seemed apathetic and barely responsive -- with just a word or two i reply. After several attempts to re-establish a friendly rapport with her, I'm ready to give up and walk away. Maybe forever, but I hope not.
So I confront her by saying something along the lines of: "Listen, if my being here with you is some kind of annoyance or bother, please just tell me and I'll go away. Would you like me to go away?" And she just turns a bit to look me straight in the face. She doesn't say anything -- and I get the feeling that she is telling me with her looks that it's not worth her time even to tell me to go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment