Bad Dream 153 -- Tennis not Tennis

I actually had a dream after this one early this morning,  I made notes on this one, but not the next one.  And I think the next one "erased" part of this one in my memory.  Oh well...

In my dream, I am on a tennis court working to recover my stroke.  (In my waking life, I had actually done this twice against the practice board on Crossland's only tennis court.  It was an abysmal flop.)  In my dream I'm "actually" batting the ball back and forth across a net with someone else.  He reminds me of Mike Friedman from L&N/MAX Controls days.  Except this guy has actually good control over the ball and can place it where he wants it to go.  

I continue to flail away in my dream, much as I did on the Crosslands court.  I think my partner/opponent is doing what he can to support my re-learning effort.  But as it turns out, he's been toying with me -- hitting the ball in places that make my learning effort all the harder.  He's quite pleased with the result, but I'm furious.  As you might guess, that doesn't bother him.  

Something happens at this point in the dream, and I can't recall what it is.  I think I'm still angry at being "played" by this guy, but I find myself sitting in the passenger seat of an Austin Healy Mark 1 Sprite.  Red.  Pretty much the same car that my older brother Richard owned.  We're driving somewhere -- not sure where -- and I'm not at all sure who the driver is.  It may or may not be Richard.  

I think we have a meeting in the parking lot, to which the driver may or may not be invited.  There is an issue of a ticket -- similar to the old-fashioned ticket used at movie theaters and carnivals.  (My notes show the word "tickets" followed by a question mark.)  I don't recall what the ticket was all about, but it seemed to involve me and the person/people I was there to meet with.  I do have a vivid mental image of the ticket being torn. I don't know by whom.

Sorry that I don't have more details here.  As with so many of my dreams here at Crosslands, this one was chock-full of details...

Bad Dream 152 -- Out to Kill Me?

In my dream (as in many of my recent dreams), there is a lot more than what I can remember and write down.  But..

In my dream, I am standing in a large open building (abandoned warehouse?) with a few other people.  The person talking is a man, middle-aged, with white hair.  He's somewhere between "stocky" and fat.  He's wearing a suit that badly needs pressing.  

He's trying to talk some other guy into accompanying him to a place he knows.  He describes several very attractive features of the place and tells this other guy he's sure to enjoy the visit.  This third person seems totally taken with the idea of a visit -- just the two of them -- but I suspect that the heavy-set guy is planning to murder this third person.  I don't know exactly why in the dream, but I am sure that the death of the third person will be advantageous to the heavy set person.  

The scene changes, and now it's just the heavy-set fellow and me in the room.  Now he's trying to talk me into going somewhere with him.  It's a different place than the one he was describing to the third person.  I'm fully aware that this guy means me harm.  

Somehow, I manage to slip out a back door, having convinced the heavy-set fellow that I was going out the front door, but would be right back.  It's dark outside and there's a plowed field there that extends maybe several hundred yards farther out back.  I dig into the plowed soil and come up with a broken ice scraper.  It isn't much of a weapon, but it's all I have.  I start moving quickly across the plowed field.  There is maybe 10 or 20 rows of corn on the far side of the field and, I think, a house.  

I break into a run, but it's difficult on the freshly plowed earth.  I think I hear and/or see the heavy set guy finally emerge from the building, having discovered my ruse.  I think I should be in better shape than he is, but if he has a gun, that may not make a difference.  

Now I'm sure that he's out of the building and can see me running away.  

Bad Dream 151 -- Car Trip Interlude

 (This is a report of the remnants of this morning's dream -- 12/24/21.  It was considerably more complex than this.  It had quite a story line going, but this is all I can recall.)

In my dream, I am in the middle of a trip somewhere.  I am with folks I know, but am not closely attached.  We've just kind of agreed to take this trip together.

There are multiple cars involved in this trip -- and it's never clear in the dream as to where we're headed.  But we seem to know where our destination is, even if it's never clearly stated or understood in the dream.   

We're stopped at a waypoint somewhere, where we can spend some time.  I think we've been on the road for a considerable time and need a respite.  And the cars may need gas and or other servicing.  It's not clear how long that respite will be -- hours or days.  

Some people in our group are traveling together in the same vehicle, but I think I'm all by myself in a rather ratty old car.  There's rust and dents and maybe the doors don't close easily, but it runs well.  

At one point -- seemingly an interlude -- I'm driving my car with several other people aboard.  I think we're in a sizeable parking garage.  I'm a bit peeved at the folks in my car -- maybe they're making fun of the age and condition of the vehicle.  I decide to show off a bit by running the car directly at the wall at a corner of the garage, then putting the car in a 4-wheel drift to turn it in the proper direction for the turn.  It's a turn to the right.  As we approach the wall, sliding, I start to question whether I had properly gauged the speed and direction of the drifting car, so that we may make a large splat on the wall ahead.  The others in my car freak out somewhat, as do I. But we make the turn with a few inches to spare.  They seem impressed, but I recognize that it was simply a matter of having bad tires to make the car start sliding sideways.  

At another point in my dream -- not sure whether this was before or after the above story -- some woman is chastising me for somehow dismantling or disabling one of the seats in my car.  She explains to me why this is a problem for her.  (I forget the details...)  But after she leaves, I go to the area of the car she feels I've sabotaged and simply reconnect a couple of straps so that the seat is once again fully functional.  And I'm peeved that she took the occasion to make such a big fuss about this.  All she had to do was ask and I would have explained and reconnected the straps while she was still there.  

I decide to unpack some of my belongings from the car and move them to the room -- or at least the area in the building where we've stopped -- assigned to me.  I begin to realize that I've taken much too much stuff for this trip, but am now kind of stuck: I either continue to travel with all this stuff or abandon it here.  The only piece of stuff I recall is a boom box much like the one we now have in our "shed" at 140 Crosslands Drive.  

I've unloaded a number of things into this area -- asking myself "Why in the world did I decide to bring this particular thing on a trip like this?"  And after moving maybe 8 or 10 things from my car to my assigned area, I'm told that it's time to pack up and get back under way (or is it "weigh"?).  There seems to be some urgency to be ready to go ASAP, and most everyone -- who have much less stuff than I do -- can respond quickly.  But once again, I'm faced with the dilemma: Do I continue re-packing and possibly get disconnected from the "caravan" or do I abandon my stuff here and now so that I can stay up with the group? 

Bad Dream 150 -- Self Portrait

In my dream, I am looking at a painting that I made of myself.  It shows me from several inches below my shoulders to well over my head.  Personally, I think it's a very good likeness.

I have decided that, while the painting certainly looks like me -- in a very positive way -- that it would benefit if I "cropped" it.  That is, cut down the extraneous parts at the top and (possibly) bottom of the image.  (Interestingly, side-top-side looks okay and might have benefitted if I had painted a bit more on the sides.)  I think it's the case that, if I crop too much, I won't be able to restore the part(s) I removed.  

Since I can't decide how much needs to be cropped, so I ask the opinion of folks standing nearby.  I know most if not all of them, and trust their judgment on what would look best.  Much to my surprise and disappointment, no one wants to suggest anything.  And I don't hear any enthusiasm from anyone about the quality of the likeness.

Some of them point out that there's a lot of blue sky above my head in the painting -- probably too much -- and this could/should be reduced.  Cut off.  But no one is ready to say "So, cut it down to right here" and point to a specific spot on the image.  

 At least one friend looks at the painting and tells me that it doesn't look like me at all.  When I ask him "Why not?" and "What would you suggest I change?" he simply waves his hands at the painting and mutters something incoherently.  Then turns and walks away.

So I'm left in this quandry: I like the image very much, but know that something in the painting should be changed to make it even better.  And that the basic image of me is a good one and reflects well on me -- even if the folks around me don't agree.  So do I change/crop the image and possibly get it wrong and spoil the validity of the image that I see or do I look for someone who would be willing to make a firm suggestion that I could either accept and implement OR simply thank that person and continue looking for someone else? 

Bad Dream 149

I believe I've found a pattern in my recent dreaming that ties into my Blood Pressure Issues.  (FYI, my BP has bounced between the 150's and the 120's -- with the balance of the readings being in the middle to high end of that range.  I'm currently taking five different medications, none of which seem to be pulling the BP down...)

A couple of recent dreams have found me walking about in the downtown area of a city, looking at tall buildings that don't appear to have any signage.  There's nothing that feels sinister about this, but nothing that helps me find any recognizable places.  Dream #148 typifies this.

In this morning's dream, I am a passenger in a car with two delightful friends -- Li;sa and Gus -- and we're driving to some event which is probably musical.  It's mid-morning.  

I remember that I have an important appointment at a place in pretty much the opposite direction of how we're travelling.  The appointment is either at 10:00 this morning or 2:00 this afternoon -- I can't recall which.  I mention this to Gus and Li;sa and -- understandably -- Gus is a bit peeved.  Why didn't I tell him before we left?  Can't you remember or figure out whether it's 2:00 or 10:00?  We could be back in time for 2:00 PM but not 10:00 AM...

What these dreams have in common is "Lost."  Lost directions -- physical.  Lost directions -- personal.  Lost time.  

I feel that I've entered a new phase of life with plenty of opportunities and no sense of direction.  I've pretty much cut off connection to the Meeting and the School Board.  I'm still swimming in cardboard boxes and it doesn't seem to matter how much stuff I give away or throw away, there's still far too much stuff.  And Deb's condition -- her hearing, her mental capacities -- what's really going on there?  What does the future hold for her?  And what will I need to do to hold up my end of things?

Anxiety?  Oh yes.  Reflected in BP?  I think so.  Good answers?  Not forthcoming.

I'm starting a search for a talk therapist -- trying to straighten out what's really wrong and what I can do about it.  

Wish me luck.