In my dream, I am taking a test in a room with a number of other students. This is not just a Final Exam, it is the last Exam we will take before graduation. And the stakes, for me at least, couldn't be higher. If I pass the exam, I will graduate. If I fail the exam, I won't.
The exam consists of three parts, and each of them deals with words. One part, for example, has a list of 15 or so words. The questions about the words read something like "How many words on the list describe XYZ?" -- when it's obvious to me that none of the words describe XYZ (whatever XYZ was). Another question was something like "Which words in the list can have their letters rearranged to spell 'ABC'?" when, once again, none of the words in the list can be adjusted to spell that word.
The other two sections of the test are equally obscure.
So it's not that I can't finish the test because I can't even start it.
I look around me and see that my fellow students are all busy filling in answers, and my heart sinks.
As students finish with their test paper, they hand it in to the teacher and smile. They clearly think they did very well on the test. They also shake hands with other students who have also completed their test and promise each other they will stay in touch after the graduation ceremony.
After a while, the only people left in the room are the teacher and me. He looks at his watch from time to time and appears restless. It's pretty obvious he has some other engagement -- and that I'm keeping him from attending to that other engagement. Although he seems to try to avoid doing it, he scowls at me from time to time.
I think the non-verbal message he's giving me is "Hey, if you haven't finished this test by now, it's obvious that you will never finish the test and you might as well give up and let me get out of here." As I understand this message I also recall that I never did well in the class -- and didn't care much that I wasn't learning whatever the subject was. In short, I was not a good student for him and we both know it.
As time goes on, he gets more and more annoyed -- and finally asks me "Did you know that I have another job besides being a teacher here?" I shake my head, but I understand that the reason he's so anxious to leave is somehow connected to this other job.
After while, several State Troopers enter the room. Clearly they know the teacher and he knows them. I assume from this that his other job is being a law enforcement officer. The Troopers are tall and well built and look quite tough -- clearly guys you wouldn't want to mess with. One of the officers takes his pistol out of its holster and examines it. I don't know whether to take this as a threat or an encouragement to finish up... or just a cop who's bored and hasn't anything else to do. .But I certainly wasn't going to ask him about his motivation to examine his weapon.
I now realize that the logic offered by my teacher was perfectly sound. I wasn't going to finish the test and I wasn't going to pass the test and I wasn't going to graduate either. But accepting those things gives me a great sense of relief. I don't have to pretend or be anxious or frightened any more. I'd been pushing a large rock up a hill and would never reach the top of the hill. But I was now allowed to step to the side and watch the rock roll all the way back down the hill.
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