I think context is important to understand what this dream was all about. The dream happened on a Friday morning. The previous Tuesday, I had a "Fusion MRI Prostate Biopsy" checking on the possibility of prostate cancer. It was full, but relatively light anesthesia, and I felt pretty good immediately afterwards. Deb drove me home, as it was required that I would not drive a car for 24 hours after the procedure. But I felt that, if I had to drive, I could do so in safety.
On the way home, I became increasingly uncomfortable -- feeling a bit woozy and experiencing pain in my buttocks. It got worse. I asked Deb to stop at the Wawa we were approaching, and she said "Fine. It give me a chance to pick up some milk." I just wanted to get out in the fresh air and straighten my back. She got out of the car to start walking in, and I got out of the car just because I felt so uncomfortable being in it. I leaned up against the car, as I felt uncomfortable just being on my feet without support. I felt a series of "intgernal subroutines" failing, just giving up, and thought to myself "I wonder if this is how it feels to die?" The next thing I knew, I was on the ground and maneuvering my hands on the pavement to get back on my feet. So I didn't die, but I certainly did black out for a few moments.
After getting fully erect, I felt better, got back into the car, and we drove home without further incident. (BTW, Deb didn't get the milk. Thought looking after me was more important.) But that question about "Is this how people die?" has stayed with me. This series of internal shut-downs over which I had no control...
Anyway, to the dream. This is only a fragment of a dream, but I think it of value to document:
In what I remember of my dream, I am outside of a house. It is a very pleasant evening with a moderate temperature and light breeze. I can see a few streetlights as well as houselights in this quiet suburban neighborhood. I think there was some kind of family/friends gathering inside the house that was just breaking up, and that I had been in that gathering. And I'm fairly sure that Martha was also part of that gathering.
I am walking towards the street where there is at least one car parked -- and I would need a ride to get home. It's my brother David's first car -- the one that Dad gave him -- a Chevy Nova (I think) which was too small for most stuff and barely running. It was only David's energy and insight as to what the car needed to keep going that kept it running. And David was proud of his accomplishment, and justifiably so.
I got into the car, which was a bit tricky, as the car was so small. But once I got in, it was fine. And David was nearby and I expected him to get in and drive me home. All would be well.
I was then called to by other people, including Martha, that their car was also available to take me home. But I decided to stay with David in his car.
And what concerns me about this dream is that David died a number of years ago from prostate cancer. And the energy and insight that he applied to his car he also applied to himself as treatment after treatment almost worked... So what, if anything, does it mean that I decided to stay in David's car??
No comments:
Post a Comment